Rejectable
‘I just prefer the company of women. I’m a bit like Samantha in Sex and the City...but without the city....or the sex.’
When the Furniture Moves: Chronophobia, Regret, and Depression
I’ve never been able to cope with the passing of time, and over the years this single fact has got me into so much trouble I can barely even describe it.
My History With Fighting Fantasy
I’m ten years old and staying in my best friend’s summerhouse one weekend while his dad attempts to do up my battered old BMX bike.
Don’t Make Eye Contact
I’d only been working as a shift runner at Blockbuster Video for a few days when the incident happened, and I remember thinking that it was a perfect reflection of my luck that had it happened just a week before then none of it – none of it - would have been my responsibility.
What ARE You Wearing?
Triggered by the sheer number of questions I regularly get about my godawful dress sense, I thought I’d actually start paying attention to some of the truly outrageous stuff that I wear.
Ending Your Marriage at Costa
I’ve only been at Costa for ten minutes, and I’m just about to write a really scathing attack on a well-known supermarket when I suddenly overhear: “So, you wait until we’ve got four kids before you decide it’s her you want and not me.”
Socking It To ‘Em
It's a Wednesday morning, and I'm running the shift at Blockbuster Video: I'm one of the three assistant managers, and Wednesdays are pretty quiet, so it's just two other guys and me: one is working down at the front of the store while I'm cleaning at the back.
Say That Again?
“It’s Davey from Blockbuster in Ramsgate: store code 260116. I want to place a large stock order, please.”
Career Options
When my writing career didn’t explode as I wanted it to (that wouldn’t happen for another two years), I headed to Ramsgate town to see what work was available.
Stealing Cars at Pleasurama in Ramsgate (or not)
The year is 1991, and I am sitting in the manager’s office of Ramsgate’s old Pleasurama arcade, accused of trying to steal cars in the car park.
Granny’s Relish
It’s Saturday morning, and both my kids are at a local birthday party: I’m not going, because it’s a Two Party Saturday and I’ve pulled the late shift.
He’s Just Not That Into You
When I finally decided that my dog had some sort of mental health issue, I didn’t mess around.
The Haunted Tower
Dominating the Ramsgate skyline, the Granville Hotel is now a (mostly) restored and beautifully unusual landmark.
Scaredy Cat
It would be easy to say that I don’t like cats and cats don’t like me, but it’s just nowhere near as simple as that.