The Yuletide Yak Yeti
Finally, after a two-year delay, The Illmoor Chronicles will continue with the long-promised ‘Yuletide Yak Yeti’.
For clarity, I still have no idea how long the actual story will be - but I can say quite definitely that it will be available in August and can be pre-ordered HERE. For those of you who, quite understandably, still doubt my word on the matter: I can assure you that Amazon will cancel the title permanently if I don’t deliver it this time. So, folks, here is the first chapter and the cover blurb - together with a complete timeline of Illmoor to date. For book covers, go HERE.
CHAPTER ONE
It was the night before Yuletide and a fine blanket of snow was settling over the rooftops of Legrash. In a cottage on the edge of town, a proud mother finished depositing the last of the presents beneath the Weeklong Tree she’d finished decorating that very morning. Then she tiptoed across the rough wooden floorboards in the kitchen and crept to the bottom of the stairs, listening for any hint that the magic was about to happen.
The clock struck midnight. Somewhere in the distance, a bell rang. Then another…and another.
Something landed on the roof of the cottage. Something heavy. Something significant. The something every child in Illmoor waited for.
She closed her eyes tightly, staring up at the landing with bated breath, trying to suppress the anticipation of the joy that always followed the arrival of The Yuletide Yak Yeti.
Looking down, she quickly remembered the rules and removed her foot from the stairs: adults weren’t allowed to interfere in the traditions of the season…and a single glimpse of the creature could rob countless children of the true meaning of Yuletide. She crossed her fingers and prayed to the gods that the twins would remain asleep.
In the attic bedroom, a single gnarled finger appeared at the window and, snaking through an impossibly small gap, elongated until it was able to lift the latch. The window creaked open and a fat gnome with ruby red eyes and a melted nose dropped to the floor, somersaulted across the room and crashed into a toy chest beside the door.
A boy sat up in bed, his expression a mask of fascinated horror.
‘A-a-are you the Yuletide Yak Yeti?’ he managed, swinging himself out of the bed as his sister yawned awake in the shadows.
The gnome sniffed and peered around, taking in the boundaries of the room and trying to judge if there was enough space to open a portal in one of the walls.
‘It’s him!’ The girl exclaimed, leaping out of bed and hurrying to stand beside her brother. ‘It’s him! It’s him! It’s REALLY him!’
‘Can I have a sword?’ The boy said, the question practically bursting out of him.
‘I want a troll with REAL hair!’ said his sister.
The gnome stared at them both, mirthlessly. ‘Where am I, exactly?’ he said. ‘What is this place?’
The children shared a glance.
‘This is Swan Cottage,’ said the girl. ‘In Legrash. I’m Molly and this is my brother Tom. We’ve been REALLY good this year and mummy says that if we’re REALLY good, then you bring us the stuff we want…but it doesn’t look like you have anything on you.’
‘Yeah,’ the boy added. ‘Where’s your sack?’
The gnome raised a twisted hand and snapped its fingers. A bulging sack appeared beside the door.
‘Wow!’ The girl said, her eyes widening. Her brother simply gasped.
‘Right,’ said the gnome, folding its arms. ‘Listen carefully. You’ve got three chances to guess my name. If you get it in three, you get all the presents. If you don’t, I’m going to have to take something from you. Deal?’
The children just stared at him.
‘Is this normal?’ said the girl.
The gnome shrugged. ‘Compared to what?’
‘Mummy told me that-‘
‘Boris!’ said the boy, suddenly.
‘Shut up!’ his sister screamed.
The gnome shrugged. ‘That’s one guess.’
‘That’s not fair! I didn’t even-‘
‘Jack!’
‘WILL YOU BE QUIET!’
‘That’s two!’
The little girl jumped up and down on the spot. Then she clamped a hand over her brother’s mouth and squealed. ‘Timothy!’
The gnome stared at them both balefully and shook his head. ‘I’m afraid not,’ he said, unfolding his arms and cracking his knuckles. ‘Okay, okay…now it’s my turn. Let me just see here…’ He rummaged in his jerkin and removed a strange, angular knife. ‘Right, kids,’ he said, folding his arms. ‘Now, what do you want to lose: your skin, your teeth or your mother?’
PRE-ORDER the full story here for (currently) only 77p!
BOOKS (in order)
1. Wrath of the Ratlord (2003, originally The Ratastrophe Catastrophe)
2. The Lark and The Loftwing (2004, originally The Yowler Foul-up)
3. The Trials of Teethgrit (2005, originally The Shadewell Shenanigans)
4. Shadow of the Shapeshifter (2006, originally The Dwellings Debacle)
5. The Venom of Vanquish (2006, originally The Vanquish Vendetta)
6. The Might of Moltenoak (2007, originally The Coldstone Conflict)
7. Curse of the Kingslayer (2022, collected short stories)
8. The Shinbone Shadowhunter (2024, novella)
SHORT STORIES
1. The Dullitch Assassins (1997)
2. The Legrash Larcenist (1998)
3. Wishblood Wine (1998)
4. Lair of the Leviathan (2014, originally The Lickspittle Leviathan)
5. The Shallowfalls Spinecaster (2019)
5. Curse of the Kingslayer (2019, originally The Kazbrack Kingslayer)
4. The Fu-Ming Fiasco (2022)
