The Goldfish Who Lived (2014)

I wake up every morning fearing that Stefan might be dead.

I don’t know why: it’s pretty accurate to say that I now take better care of the goldfish than I do of our dog. I’ve put him right next to the Tassimo, entirely because I know that I will never go without my morning coffee and therefore my memory will trigger and the little dude will always get fed.

I give him those flakes. You know: the big dandruff ones from Pets at Home. I think he likes them.