Drunken Monkey

It’s school kick-out, and McDonald’s is rammed. 

I like McDonald’s, and I don’t think they deserve all that horrible stuff people say about them. Admittedly, the horse meat scandal did give me nightmares….and I do keep getting these weird mental flashes where I’m standing in the queue when a jockey walks out in full kit, serves me a Big Mac and says ‘Oh, you’ll enjoy this one: she was a cracker. I won six races on her.’ I open the Big Mac box, and inside is a story about a horse called Betty with a list of all her favourite things and the big blue rosette she won pinned to the chips. 

It makes me wish I was a vegetarian, but I decided against that when I went to a vegetarian authors’ meal in London: the waiter asked who was having soup and only half of them had the strength to raise their arms. I had to help the bloke next to me, who wanted soup really badly but couldn’t do anything about it. I think he started to cry a bit, but that might have been his voice: it was hard to tell.